Sunday, May 31, 2009

31st May 2009

At some point of your life,you ponder upon all the mistakes that you have done.

All the chain of events that eventually made you you.

And as for me, I do dig up all the paths that I have chosen,

Then I ponder upon the road not taken,

The very reasons for not taking the road not taken,

The very reasons that I’m me.

These events made me me

I didn’t regret a single event that brought me to where I am now.

And the road I took will be a long one

A long,windy road

A doctor once told me, he’s already at the ending checkpoint while I am just only taking the first step to a thousand miles marathon

And I chose to run the journey myself ;no regrets

No matter who caught up with me or who I caught up with during the marathon,

At the end,

It’s just me alone crossing the finishing line

And I know, along the journey, I’ll make new friends, I’ll meet strangers, I’ll meet new competitors and excellent motivators that may or may not  run the distance with me.

But deep down inside, I’m me

I’ll always be me

I may act indifferent toward my family and friends

I may be missing in action for most part of their life

But deep down inside, I’ll still be me

I’m saying this not because I want to give excuses to myself for my absence

I’m saying this because at some point of my life,

I know, and I hope I know,

That everyone that I love and loved would cut me some slacks for my absence once in a while

Once in a while, I’d like to be perceived as a good friend and not an always MIA friend

And I shudder at the thoughts of me running the marathon alone,

I shudder at the thoughts of how I would look at myself through thousands of miles,

Because someday my mistakes could take away precious life,

And I’m not a perfectionist I know.

I act like one but deep down I’m not,

And the day when my mistakes cost someone their life,

I can’t imagine what the amount of self loathing and guilt I would face

I wouldn’t allow myself in that situation now but sometimes life just brings the worst-case scenarios

A breakdown would be inevitable at that time

I hope, at that time, someone will slow down to walk with me,

To regain my motivation, to shift my paradigm towards life and death,

To at least make sure I don’t beat myself up too much over the mistakes I’d do

And I could regain my strength and willpower to continue running to cross the finishing line.

This is to my family and friends,

Who stayed with me and held me tight when I needed them the most

-emo- wuuhuu

Amigos para siempre

No one likes to lose control.

But as a medical student there is nothing worse,

It’s a sign of weakness;

Of being not up to the task.

And still there are times when it just gets away from you.

When the world stops spinning ,

And you realise that your stacks of medical books and the world of knowledge of medical sciences isn’t going to save you,

No matter how hard you fight it,

You fall.

And it’s scary as hell.


there’s an upside to free-falling

It’s the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Flashback on 2006

KKKRINNNNGGGGG…A  bell rang in the background so loudly that I was startled back to the scene in front of me. Oh it’s not over?? I asked myself. God knows how long she’s gonna take for her welcome speech.Might as well I daydream over my dreams of stepping into medical school..Mmm will I get  Ireland? Nah..I doubted my 10As is good enough..Mmm How about Russia? I wouldn’t mind though even though it’s like Arctic there. “Ketika anda berada di sini, matlamat kami adalah untuk membantu anda mencapai kejayaan and merealisasikan impian anda,” said the Headmistress of SMK Seafield. “Ah! Lantaklah” Not like I’ll be here anyway.My appeal will be approved I’m sure.

Fast forward one month later..

“This is your new president of the Malam Perpisahan Tingkatan 5&6”

“Yerrr….. who is that girl…So lan si… I don’t like the way she conquers everything during meeting…like she owns Seafield ( actually truthfully after knowing her, she really owns Seafield) and she don’t like the rest of us outsiders ( non-Seafieldians) especially me.”  But the outcome is, I found my newfound bau bau bacang relative, Jessica Loke a.k.a. da pig, and I found myself a bunch of great friends!MPT5&6 06 028

MPT5&6 06 059MPT5&6 06 053 MPT5&6 06 030

Fast forward two months later..

“Does anyone in this class wants to go to Miracle Youth Camp?”

Great.That is a great opportunity for me to mingle with the rest of the form 6 people…who ever that is going …. and great opportunity for me to test my independence skills. Meanwhile….all forgotten about the appeal and no news anyway so I decided to settle down in Seafield.

During camp, err..”Hi :) You’re from Seafield right? I’m Carol from 6E.”

“Hi:) I’m Karine”

That’s how I meet Karine a.k.a. sam pat girl who worked with me through the whole camp to make things right. And also not forgetting she worked with me till 4am to make the suit for the model and finally we slept at 4am and woke up again at 5am.It was totally killer camp but we loved it sooo much. We got so addicted to the square dance. Damn farney ok!

MIRACLE camp 019 MYC 053 MYC 095

And it was Shiny’s birthday during the camp. We celebrated but giving her bahul cake!! 18 bahul if i’m not mistaken:)

And we bonded like ji muis(sisters), like Petaling St deep fried ghost (yau char kuey) , like we’re glued on with elephant SUPERglue. Lolx

Then came something else that I have to continue next time:) gotta go draw histo. Maybe not. I shall go emo abit. Will tell you guys soon about it. Tata!

Friday, May 22, 2009

22nd *Sniffles*May 2009*Sniffles*

I woke up this morning at 5am. It was so cozy and so warm in my bed under the sheets that I didn’t want to get up and read my books.Suddenly, I jerked up and turn to the other bed. Oh shit! Did I wake up to open the door for Eunice? I squinted at the fuzzy blue human-shaped blanket opposite  and sigh. Yes. A blur memory of me pulling the door open slowly formed in my brain.What is wrong with me? Why is my memory getting from bad to worse? I can hardly fall asleep last night. Words keep appearing through my brain…lateral relation,medial relation,transverse sinus,….urgh… I find myself recalling the day’s lectures before falling asleep.And i find myself waking up to stupid dreams about me failing exams or being late to class. And I find myself waking up to alarm buzzing off,telling me to wake up to study,study and study.*Sniffles*

“Is this all to my life in university? Is this all to my life in 5 years time? Worrying about passing exams,worrying about not getting enough sleep? worrying about getting to class without being late ?” I thought to myself.

“Ah,screw it.” I pulled the sheets over me and rolled over in my bed.Pulling  my favourite pillow under my chin, I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep.*Sniffles*

BRRUUUUUMMMMMM!!! Roar of thunder jolted me from my slumber.

Oh no! It’s raining! How am I going to walk to class? *Sniffles*

I showered and pulled on a skirt and a long sleeve black tee.I expected it to be chilly in class.As I poured hot water into my orange cup half-filled with Milo powder,my mood lighten up at the prospect of walking to class in the rain. And since the thunderstorm had reduced to mere shower of rain, I brighten up quickly. I pulled on my stockings while letting my Milo cool. I sat at my lone chair and poured cornflakes into my Milo. Wincing a little at the pain of my tongue brushing against the metal ring around my molars,I thought of how much I miss morning drive to Seafield every morning.And then I thought of how much I miss walking to USJ4 back in the schooldays. A glance at the digital numerical flashing in orange glow told me that I’m in good timing. I threw my files in my Fila Italia sling bag and grabbed my Zen. Pulling on the earphones, I slipped my feet into my blue Crocs and skipped out of my room.It’s the first day in Manipal that I get to walk to class in the rain.

I walked down the corridor and down the steps,passing an Indian girl busy studying at the stairs.It’s inspiring to see her studying so hard in the morning.Pulling out my combo card, I scanned the card and exited my hostel building. I looked up into the heavy clouds obscuring the blue of the skies and I can’t help but smiled a little.It is definitely my favourite weather in the India. No sweaty sticky back and no sweaty sticky strands of fringe that I have to pull back and pin. *Sniffles*

It wasn’t so bad after all.Seniors said we would arrive in class with muddy shoes and drenched wet feet.I avoided few puddles of water. Though the  rain did cleverly escape the shelter of my umbrella and manage to wet my bag, I silently thanked my mum for choosing this waterproof bag for me.I hopped up the steps leading into the lobby in time to catch the lift. I was surprised at my luck this morning.Usually I have to either squeeze in the packed lift or I either had to take the stairs as I miss the lift or I’ll risk being late to class.

The view that greeted me was a pleasant one. A few dozen of open umbrellas are placed randomly on the floor outside the lecture hall 3B. It was a very colourful backdrop against the pale colour of the wall. I wanted to snap a picture of it but I remembered that I left my camera in my drawer. Hence no pictures of ella. *Sniffles*

I think I shall bring my camera tomorrow if it rains again. And since I swear to study everyday,I shall return to my skull and brain now. Block 4 started last Monday. This block I’ll be learning all about brain and central nervous system. The toughest block of all.And in 3 months time it will be my final examination.


Wish me luck peeps! Enjoy the rest of the beautiful day!

Cold cold go away *Sniffles* come again another *Sniffles* argh wtheck.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Two Million Minutes

So you must be wondering what is this girl gonna blog about next.

I got tired of Anatomy and started blog-hopping and stumbled across and old post of Jessie Chong (USJ4 junior –18 yrs old and currently in first year med in Liverpool! WooHoo!

So ok back to the point *kids nowadays are getting smarter and smarter*

The PTS system shouldn’t be abolished I felt.It gives a chance for kids that are more advance than their own peers to develop their mind in more stimulating environment . Nevermind the stress of missing a year worth of class (standard 4 science and math is like peanuts k)

Now the point here is, this old post of Jessie’s is regarding this documentary

Two Million Minutes

what is two million minutes? Two million minutes of what?

Say…4 years of high school from grade 8 to grade 12…means typically our form 4 & 5 and form 6 or A Level or Matriculations

60minutes X 24 hours = 1440 minutes

1440min X 365 days = 525,600 minutes

525,600 min X 4 yrs  = 2,102,400 minutes

This Two Million Minutes of  education determines your future

Determines where you stand in the world

This documentary talks about the education system in 3 big powerhouse of the 21st century

China,India and USA

The more i watched the more i realised how wonderful actually this system is. Though flaws are there. Less practical on hand.

How is that Jessie could take BP, give injection and had done per rectal examination (PRE) in 1st year itself?

Though no complains about the fact that sticking my finger up a patients anus and twisting it 360 degrees to feel the entire wall of anal canal PLUS palpating for the prostate and the dip in between AND THEN checking your finger for any discolouration other than the supposing BROWN colour isn’t really 1st thing in my agenda now…

Anyway, need i say more? Just sit and mug peeps. That’s India. That’s what you get when you are paying 3o% of what they are  paying. 1 million ringgit to learn from the British. Nice.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Jumbled Brains of Medical Student part I ( since there will be more coming i thought I'll be smart a bit to label it first XD)

So one fine day, Kahun, Nadesh, LH (Luteinizing Hormone) and I decided to have lunch together at….

Carol : Eh Kahun! Where you gonna eat today?

Kahun: erm…your choice lar

*My choice will be USJ14 chicken rice, apollo pan mee, penang  char kuey teow,state hokkien mee… starts to drool over her biochemistry file*

*Snaps back to Interact Hall*

AH screw it

Nadesh: Aaaahhh (usually trademark) Your CHOICE LAR!!

LH: Come kawan! today i makan with you

Mega: So Carol where you eating today?

Carol: My choice is your choice…

I’m not trying to flirt here. Mega is a girl. Indeed, the shop’s name is Your Choice.

Then, while eating, we were  trying to memorise the list of inorganic substance found in urine in order to prevent facing the sarcastic and at the same time you-can’t-resist-liking-him HOD of Biochem Dr Ullas Kamath

Kahun : Eh listen , C.S.I.Carol. and (N)

Nadesh … Obviously to busy gobbling down his chicken manchurian to listen

Carol: What??  what new disease is that?? How come I don’t know?

*PentiumIII starts whirring recalling all the diseases taught*

*And yes PentiumIII due to my lagging brain power*

Kahun happily replied

“ Hahahhaha,look i found a mnemonics for this list.”

C for chloride

S for sulphate

I for inorganic phosphate

Carol for Calcium … wtheck

N ( and) for ammonia

Carol : why N for ammonia?

Kahun: Hahahhaha what’s after N? M lar!!! so AND-MO_NIA!!

Nadesh : Wah Kuhan! Smart ah!!

LH: Mmm…good good…very good

Carol was thinking on the evil thoughts today.She secretly let them be. So what happen next is….

Back in interact hall 3b

Fet : Eh so how? I haven’t finish memorising the urinalysis paper

Sara : Ya…me too.Die lar…

Nadesh proudly exclaimed, “Ah kawan-kawan, mari saya ajar”

C.S.I.Carol.N…so whats after N? M!!! so AMMONIA!!

Fet & Sara stared blankly while Carol exploded in laughter. Kahun walked over, “What lar you laughing like baboon, Carol?”

Well I’m sorry guys.You can’t expect me not to laugh and blog about this.

Moral of the story: Medical students are wacky

*oops whole MMMC will be after me*

Moral of the story: Nadesh and Kahun are wacky

The names in the story has been changed to protect certain party’s privacy. If the names are similar to anyone, it is purely unintentional.